Hello and Goodbye

This spring I was trying to decide whether to keep blogging or not. We were so busy we could hardly see straight then a miracle happened! We found out that after 7 months of trying with complications, we were expecting! We were over the moon. After three months and a high risk ultrasound that was fine, we told the kids, who have been praying for well over a year for a baby. It was all they talked about, we should buy this for the baby, we should name the baby..., and what is the baby doing now? After being sick all summer, at 4 months I was feeling better and thrilled to know in 3 weeks would would be finding out the gender of this precious gift.

This last Monday morning I had a routine appointment but had been a little nervous because I hadn't felt the baby in a couple of days. My worst fears were confirmed when they could find no heartbeat. I'll never forget the feeling of seeing my lifeless baby on the ultrasound. The next day we went to the hospital to give birth to our sweet baby. All our hopes and dreams for the future for this little life were gone. At 3:17 pm, McOlsen Liam was born. Every part of him was perfectly formed down to his little fingernails. We held him and loved on him until about 10:30 that night when we finally gave the ok for the funeral home to come and get him. I have never hurt so bad in my life as we left the hospital without our precious boy and headed to the funeral home to decide what to do with his body. Although it happens all to often, no parent should have to experience this pain. We have had a tremendous support system and feel so blessed for the amazing people in our lives. A couple of friends were my nurses at the hospital. I am positive I couldn't have done it without them. The special things they did like getting McOlsen's footprints, taking pictures of him, and making a mold of his footprints, made a huge difference for us.

And here we find ourselves trying to figure out how to go on living our normal life when we are hurting so badly.





McOlsen Liam Pendleton 08/16/2011