I love Oregon!

While we were in the hospital in labor with McOlsen, we already started planning a trip. We new that after going through this tragedy we would need a getaway. Originally we thought we would take the entire family somewhere over the holidays but then decided it would be best for Matt and I to have some time alone. Fall break turned out to work best and we just happened to have wonderful parents who opened up camp GG and Pop for the kids. After getting the kids all packed and on their way, we were off. No reservations other than with the car rental company. As soon as we got to Portland, we got our vehicle and the adventure began. We first drove to the Multnomah Falls and had lunch/dinner in the lodge that was just below the falls. We hiked a couple of waterfalls then head for the coast.


We made our way to seaside for the night. Did some more hiking and toured another town then headed up to Astoria. This area is amazing. We found the cutest hotel ever! It was on a pier and every room was looking at the water and Washington. They had adorable bikes you could check out, old restored cars that would drive you to dinner, afternoon wine and appetizers, freshly baked cookies for night time snack, and wonderful rooms that had every little detail perfectly taken care of. Someday we will be back!




The next day we headed into Washington to say we have been there and then we were on our way to Roloff Farms in Helvetia. They are the ones on TLC's Little People Big World. We didn't think we would see any of the family members but right off saw the mom, dad, their son Zach, and the twins friend who has also been on the show. It was beautiful there as well! The pumpkin patch was right next to their house. We also did two tours that went all through their land. Really cool! We had lunch there and bought our pumpkins. We had a blast and everyone was so nice.

Of course we had to work in some shopping. The little coastal towns had some of the cutest shops. We even found a hat store and if you know me well, you know I love my hats! Right by where we were staying the last night there was an Ikea and Home Goods. I found tons of things that I wanted to buy but couldn't figure out how to get them all home. We did have a carry on from Ikea and our suitcases came back much fuller than they were coming.

And let us not forget the food. We had some of the best food ever! It makes my mouth water and my fat cells get excited just thinking of the goodness we had. We like to venture out and eat at local places. We went off of some recommendations from locals and other times just got lucky. Oh and then there was Starbucks. Don't even want to know how much we spent on that but hey, it's vacation. We were trying to fit in. There are little espresso shacks everywhere!

I could go on and on about this trip. It was what these hurting souls needed. We laughed, relaxed, and enjoyed the views and the company. The thrill of just getting in the car and driving is something that we hadn't done in forever. We decided we will move there some day. one of the most beautiful places I have ever been!

Day by day

In my painful moments...I feel I can't hurt like this a minute longer. The pain is unbearable. I had no idea how physically painful grief is. It's a pain like no other. It's exhausting and unreal.

In my sad moments...I just feel so lonely as I long to hold my precious boy one more time. I never knew I was capable of so many tears.

In my jealous moments...I am jealous of those that are pregnant. I just want to throw a temper tantrum and scream that life isn't fair!!! Sometimes I am even jealous of my sweet McOlsen. He is living in such a wonderful place while I am here dying on the inside.

In my angry moments...Well, I just get angry. I'm a good person. I try to do God's will and serve Him. I am a decent mom. WHY?????

In my good moments...I feel so blessed that God chose me to be McOlsen's mom. That I got to carry him and give birth to him. That I got to see this life at a point that very few get to. That God is doing amazing work within me. Teaching me new things that I would never have learned had I not experienced this loss. That we have our own personal angel. That one day God will make all of this right.

I'm ready for the bad moments to get fewer and fewer and for the good moments to take over. Until then...I am just trying to breath.

Amen and Amen!

LIFE
ISN'T ABOUT
WAITING
FOR THE STORM
TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT
LEARNING
TO DANCE
IN THE RAIN.

Ride like the wind

After an early morning of soccer fun, we got to have a fun treat! Our old neighbor invited us to go ride horses at her parents house ( just down the road from us). Three horses were waiting on us when we got there. Mia immediately jumped right on one but the boys well, they weren't as eager. Maxon got on and started screaming to get off and we had to force Maddox on. It wasn't long before we got Madi riding all by himself though. Maxi eventually rode with me for a bit but still wasn't sure. He would go from laughing to crying to get off back to laughing again. We had such a great time! Minus the crazy wind the weather was perfect and it was great to see our friend. The first thing we heard when we got in the car was "I wish we could get horses". They were even picking out names. Yes Molly and Max would be great but I don't see horses anytime soon in our future.

My quiet girl cheers!

This week was the mustang cheer clinic put on by the high school cheerleaders. For three days after school, Mia got to go learn cheers and all kinds of cheerleading stuff that this momma knows nothing about. I figured this would be a perfect introduction to cheerleading and she could see that she didn't like it. How wrong was I? She loved every second of it. All I have heard since is chants and cheers. Maxon was even walking around singing one of the songs she learned! So tonight the girls got to go to the high school football game and cheer with the cheerleaders. At half time they went out on the field to cheer and do a dance. Cutest. Thing. Ever! She had the time of her life and even told me that she wasn't nervous at all. Who is this child??? Not sure I could handle being a cheerleading mom. Some of the pics we got aren't the greatest since thieves broke into our vehicle this summer and stole our nice camera. Another post, another time....














So proud of her! So proud that she stepped out of her comfort zone and found great reward in it. While I never was one for cheerleading, I think she got her dance moves from me! ;) That girl can shake it!

Soccer fans and pumpkins

The luckiest boy ever! He has fans that drive three hours at the crack of dawn to come watch him play soccer. It's so hard not having family close but it is awesome that my parents make such an effort to come to a game. We had a busy but fun weekend with GG and Pop. We are so blessed!


Today was pumpkin patch day for Kings Kids preschool. We had such a great morning. Minus the wind, the weather was perfect. The kids got to listen to pumpkin stories, make a cute little craft, do a pumpkin number hunt in a maze, play some pumpkin games, and most importantly pick out the perfect pumpkin. I love the pumpkin patch and hope that we can go to the big pumpkin patch this weekend or next.